cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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