drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
