Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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