her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
be right there i have to get my cape
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
