she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
