I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize