I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
