I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
