If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize