Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize