the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize