If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
