Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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