Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
