so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
