I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
