im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize