Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
