we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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