I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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