I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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