one word: firstdatebathroomanal
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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