just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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