Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish I only lived at night.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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