I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
