i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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