Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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