we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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