i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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