You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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