Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
