He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
