Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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