You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize