I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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