Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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