I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
