I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
