Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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