I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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