dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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