Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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