The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
