hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
