This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize