Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
