Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
