Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize