Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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