I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
only if we run a train.
done.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
