I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
