i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
