Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
