I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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