I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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