I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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