I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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