And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
