I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
