There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize