I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
