I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Randomize
