I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
