Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
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