Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
