Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
