You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
