Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
